Going through some of my past blog posts, & ran across this one. I want to share it with you, because I feel like its relevant for a lot of you right now. I have gotten a ton of messages recently about relationships, so I wanted to put my two cents in.. Enjoy.
From my blog:
“I’m in no way a relationship expert. One thing I do know though, is love, heartache, & what real ‘love’ looks like. I have had my fair share of men in my life, most of them horrible, rotten, no good scoundrels. However, there were (are) the few that left a lasting impression on me. With all of my former (& current) relationships they have all taught me something. Whether it was what NOT to do, showing me what I really want/need, or teaching me to respect myself..they all served their purpose at that time in my life. I decided early on in my dating life, that I wasn’t going to play it safe, limit my love based on skin color, & that I didn’t want to be in a committed relationship until I found “the one”. Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t date, that just meant that I didn’t “belong” to anyone.
Kind of like that cat and Audrey Hepburn’s character in ‘Breakfast At Tiffany’s’..she didn’t want to give it a name, until she felt a connection with it. "I’m like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don’t even belong to each other."
I had three great loves in my life, and two out of the three cheated on me and broke my heart. I am blessed to have a committed relationship now..but how did I get to that point? What did I learn about myself? What do men REALLY want? Like I stated earlier, I was alone for SIX years. Yes SIX..& by choice. In that time I played with men, & found it amusing to break their hearts. I DON’T recommend taking my route, but after being cheated on by my first real love, I didn’t hold very high authority for ‘love’. I did somewhat date someone after my childhood love, but he took our relationship about as serious as a monkey riding a unicycle. I had friends tell me “you are too fat to be picky” or “he might not be that good looking, but at least he treats you good” UMM..*blank stare* Why can’t a SEXY, CURVY, woman have love like someone half our size? As confident as I am now, at the time, I thought “Do men love curvy women as much as I love THEM?” The answer, HELL YES.
That leads me to MY rules of dating:
-Never ever ever ever ever SETTLE. If you want a man that looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt *swoon*, then by all means, go find your man! Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve the best, you do. If they are telling you otherwise, then chances are you need to show them the door. Negativity breeds negativity.
-Your size doesn’t matter. There will always be a man out there that loves a size 0 & a man that loves a size 26 & appreciates every single curve.
-Confidence is SO important. Maybe the second most important rule. You might be the ugliest thing that has ever stepped foot in a room, but if you carry yourself like you are hotter than Christina Hendricks *again..swoon*, Men will notice and take note. They absolutely love a woman that carries herself well, and exudes confidence and sex appeal. If you don’t have confidence, then fake it until you make it baby! If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect the man of your dreams to do the same?
-Be careful whose advice you take & the company you keep. It might be cool now to have that one friend that sleeps with everyone and passes out over your friends toilet’s nightly, but do you want HER giving you advice about potential mates? (not saying you can’t be her friend, but your friends influence your choices..like it or not)
-Don’t ever change yourself to make a man happy. Now, this obviously doesn’t apply to drug abuse or anything of that nature. If your man doesn’t like the fact that you are obsessed with Hello Kitty, Unicorns, & all things glittery, then chances are you shouldn’t be with him. You will end up resenting him, and you would be surprised that the littlest things can cause the biggest wedges in relationships. Find a partner that loves silly things as much as you do, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine. BUT he needs to respect your choices/likes/interests regardless.
This is the last rule & the absolute hardest to follow. I didn’t even know this until I found my current fellow..& it’s the most crucial:
-If a man wants you, he will HAVE you. Let me say that again, because women miss this all the time (myself included): IF A MAN REALLY WANTS YOU, THEN HE WILL HAVE YOU. I.E.: “Oh my god, David hasn’t called me since our last date. Maybe he got in a horrible car accident & isn’t near a phone” Sure..or maybe David is with someone that he really wants to spend his time with..and it ain’t you! The man will call you, he will pursue you. How hard to men try and sleep with you when they first meet you? So why wouldn’t they pursue you just as aggressively if they really wanted to be with you?
That’s it. Plain & simple. Love is complicated enough on it’s own. Don’t make it even more complicated by wasting your time & someone else’s. Know what you want & own that. I didn’t forget about my dear gay’s in this post! I believe the same rules apply regardless of your sexual orientation.”
love & cupcakes,